Husband seeing his mom today (update pg 3, pg 9, and pg 14) - Page 16 (2024)

MIL has been cut off from me and the kids for about the last seven months. She is unsafe and untrustworthy. She has entanglements with dangerous people. She won’t discuss any of her bad choices and pretends like they don’t exist and never happened. She is still trying to act like everything is fine and normalize the relationships with her kids. My kids and I haven’t seen her face since December. After that, Dh told her to leave me alone which she has. Dh understands the kids and I are having nothing to do with her and supports that. I am OK with him seeing her without us. Neither of us really talk about her anymore. He has not seen her in four or five months. At that time, he was helping his Sib move MILs stuff off Sib’s property. Sib had evicted MIL because of MILs bad choices. Dh was doing it as a favor for Sib, not MIL. He had to deliver some things to MIL which was really awkward and uncomfortable for him. I think he has talked to her on the phone once or twice since then but hasn’t had much to do with her. He just told me yesterday that he is going out to lunch with her and taking her on a few errands today. She is meeting him at his office, not at our house. I don’t think he was going to tell me except that I asked him some questions about his plans for today and he couldn’t avoid telling me without lying or acting suspicious. I just sent him a long text message telling him that I am OK with him seeing her as long as it doesn’t involve me and the kids. I told him I don’t want him to talk about us at all except to just tell her we are fine. I don’t want him to share any details about anything about any of us. Not the kids’ interests, where they are starting school, what they did this summer. Nothing. I don’t trust her not to share those details with the unsafe people she consorts with. She has done that to Dh's Sibs and their children, shared their details with an unsafe person who was in prison at the time but scheduled for parole. I suspect she shares with other unsafe people too, including the one she is married to. I also told him not to give her any false hope that the kids and I would have any contact with her in the future or to let her point the finger at me as the reason she can’t see the kids. I told him he was welcome to tell her why she can’t see kids or hear about the kids if he presents it as OUR decision. But if that’s too uncomfortable for him, I told him he should tell her he is not discussing it at all and not let her pin it on me. I also told him to please shut her down if she brings up my feelings about her or tries to convey a message to me through him. I am expecting him to respond to my text message at some point to let me know he will respect my wishes. I hope that happens. When he gets home tonight, I don’t plan to talk about MIL with him at all. Are there any more requests or boundaries I should make about me and the kids when he sees MIL? Am I micromanaging his visit too much? If he wants to talk about how things went with her today when he gets home, how should I handle that? I took the advice here and have not been emoting for him which has been good for both of us. If he is going to see her in the future, should he let me know or would it be better for him to just keep it private? I posted on here a while back. My post was closed probably because of stories about child abuse. Then I got paranoid that family members on baby center would recognize me because of the details in my post so I deleted it. I am being more careful what details I put in this post. If you remember my history, please don’t bring it up or share any stories of child abuse, because I don’t want this post closed too. Please know that I did take all your good advice, which is why the kids and I are safe and not in contact with MIL or her people.

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